


hanging on in the dead lights of the afterglow

by shitbricks



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, damnit burgie, eugene is really fucking gay, general snafu weirdness, snafu has some man-pain to sort out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 07:49:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5577259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitbricks/pseuds/shitbricks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snafu formed an image of Sledge being a petite southern belle from a good ol’ family in Alabama with a big white house where he was taught to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, and smiled with his eyes, not just his mouth. That was Snafu’s favorite part of the vague picture he painted of Eugene Sledge, his endearing, heartfelt smiles that seemed to light up his entire face, pretty pink lips perfectly outlining his white teeth and rosy cheeks that seemed more befitting of a broad in a fluffy yellow dress than a scrawny boy with an askew helmet and a gun in his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hanging on in the dead lights of the afterglow

**Author's Note:**

> I intended this to end with some sex but.... they deserve some love and schmoop so w/e
> 
> also as a note i feel like how im trying to present snaf is he tries to be a unemotional guy and just pines after eugene but when it actually comes down to his relationship with eugene he just melts and becomes a big anxious bunny and eugenes like pls snaf its aLRIGHT
> 
> also title is from afterlife by arcade fire

When Eugene first steps into camp on Pavuvu, Snafu immediately realizes the boy looks out of place, all the replacements do, but especially him. Their first interaction wasn’t particularly friendly, but Snafu just likes making the greenies sweat, watch their smooth, fair-faced expressions twist into one of apprehension under Snafu’s piercing gaze.

Most the replacements meet his attitude with sharp, biting comments and Snafu would smirk and let out a demented giggle,” You’ll be dead soon, anyways” he would call after them as they walked away, bitching to their partner what a crazy sonofabitch Snafu Shelton was. Eugene Sledge was different.

When Sledge first entered their tent the USMC decided to stick them in until they were needed to die elsewhere, Snafu was enamored. The boy was composed of colors that were too innocent for a place like this, his face too cute and boyish to ever be forced to experience the horrors of war. Snafu stared blatantly at the young marine that stood awkwardly in the doorway with his comrades. Being the way he is, Snafu gave them a rough time, but his eyes lingered on Sledge’s ass as the boy turned to walk out with indignant acceptance of Snafu’s rudeness.

The Marine’s was full of fresh, handsome faces that Snafu considered indulging in during late night jerk-off sessions while his friends slept soundly around him. Burgie was cute, light blue eyes and thick eyebrows topped off with a Texan accent. Snafu just had a thing for pretty southern boys.

Snafu made a point to stick around Sledge during their time on Pavuvu, mostly to pester him, but also to learn about the charming young boy from Alabama. Snafu formed an image of Sledge being a petite southern belle from a good ol’ family in Alabama with a big white house where he was taught to say ‘ _please_ ’ and ‘ _thank you’,_ and smiled with his eyes, not just his mouth. That was Snafu’s favorite part of the vague picture he painted of Eugene Sledge, his endearing, heartfelt smiles that seemed to light up his entire face, pretty pink lips perfectly outlining his white teeth and rosy cheeks that seemed more befitting of a broad in a fluffy yellow dress than a scrawny boy with an askew helmet and a gun in his arms.

 This image of an innocent young boy in need of being debauched by a suave and only slightly creepy Snafu Shelton was soon crushed, powdered, and thrown into the Pacific Ocean once they reached Peleliu and the initial firefight had begun. Snafu half expected Sledge to never make it past that dreadful, gore filled battle, but to his surprise, he not only survived it, but also saved Snafu's sorry shell-shocked ass along the way. This earned an entirely new attitude for Eugene from Snafu, promptly dubbing him 'Sledgehammer' and an unspoken offer of friendship between the two marines. Eugene, despite everything, still smiled, face spattered with mud and blood (some being his own, some being some Jap he killed, some being the blood of a fallen comrade Eugene clung to comfortingly during their last moments). The best smiles were the ones that only Snafu was supposed to see. They had recently become toothier and more daring to match Snafu's wolfish grins he offered with eyes wide and wild.

Snafu found his care for the polite little redhead growing by the day, like a tumor on his heart that made his chest pound and body sweat when they shared a casually intimate moment. Snafu often found his mind wandering to the angelic beauty God happened to bestow upon Eugene Sledge. Ever since Pavuvu he noticed the obvious features of divine beauty that graced Eugene; his boyish face, his tight muscled arms, and of course that perfect ass that Snafu found himself staring at whenever physically possible, much to the obvious discomfort of his squad and oblivious confusion of Sledge. But now he saw the smaller things, the odd quirks, all the delightful imperfections. Eugene had a nervous habit of biting his bottom lip until it was shredded, he would lick his fingers to turn the pages of a book he was absorbed in, and Snafu's personal favorite: Sledge would turn pink and look up at Snafu through his eyelashes when he was embarrassed. There was the tiny mustache that would grow in after a few weeks of not shaving that everyone would tease him for until he shaved it off, how his light ginger hair would look especially firey in the violent sun on Peleliu that made Snafu wonder if the carpet matched the drapes.

Snafu had become borderline obsessive with his fellow mortarman and everyone knew it except Sledge himself, blissfully ignorant and virginal to all of Snafu's advances. Most nights comprised of Snafu begrudgingly forcing his side tightly against Sledge to lean against as they kept watch or slept in their foxhole, giving a threatening glare to anyone who thought it would be funny to make a comment on the way Snafu curled into his side and sighed contently as Eugene would lean his head into Snafu's, their helmets lightly clashing. Sometimes fellow marines would question Eugene in private about Snafu, asking if he was scaring Eugene or creeping him out with his actions. Eugene would always scrunch his nose and give a disgruntled response, dejecting their accusations with something close to "Snafu just has different ways of showing emotion is all—even if they're slightly creepy—he means well!”

And creepy he was, at least in most people’s opinions. The most notable occurrences between the two boys ranging from Snafu offering Eugene various body parts off of dead Japanese soldiers he killed as some sort of romantic offering, or approaching Sledge while in the middle of conversation to entwine his dirt smudged fingers into his hair and ruffling it lightly before leaning in and inhaling deeply. These actions would only trip up Eugene a few times, slightly rustling him up and getting him upset, but no matter how many of these odd gestures Snafu made, they always managed to fluster Eugene into blushing.

The tension ramped up tenfold when Eugene innocently walks into their shared tent one day to retrieve the pencil he stored on his cot to scribble some notes in his bible, to find Snafu in his respective cot under his sheets, making tiny noises and squirming around. Snafu stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of Eugene entering, sweat trailing down his forehead, part out of fear of being caught, part out of his previous ministrations. Sledge, being as thick as a brick, cocked his head to the side in the manner similar to a confused puppy, the concern showing on his features.

“Hey Snaf, you doin’ alright? Are you getting sick? Should I call for a medic?” Eugene approached Snafu quickly, leaning down next to him on the floor to get closer to the sweating, slightly panting boy. Snafu jolted in shock before he could respond, Sledge placing a delicate hand over the top of Snafu’s forehead to feel for a fever.

“Christ, Snafu, you’re burning up!” Eugene’s eyebrows drew together with concern for his partner.

“Naw, Sledgehamma, I’m all good, don’t worry about me, just… a bit warm is all, it’s fuckin’ hot as the Devil’s asscrack outside and even warmer in here” Snafu responded quicker than usual, which is shocking because his sentences usually dragged slower than molasses in winter.

“But why were you squirmin’ around when I came in, looking like you were in pain?” Eugene’s eyes wandered down Snafu’s body under the thin blanket, zeroing in on the obvious tent in the fabric where Snafu’s erection was straining from before Sledge walked in and interrupted.

“Christ, Snaf! Jesus—um, shit, sorry.” Eugene stuttered dumbly, blush immediately spreading from his ears to his neck from the realization.

“s’all good Sledgehammer, I was just finishing up anyways…” Snafu purred, putting on the charm full force, hoping this will be the day he finally breaks this virginal redhead and properly debauches the southern gentleman right outta him.

Eugene’s eyes go wide, his tongue darting out to wet his lips for a brief moment.

“Hey—Sledge, Snafu, were having dinner in five” Burgie announced expectedly, bursting into the tent and causing an extremely frazzled Eugene to almost jump out of his skin and a small jolt out of Snafu, quickly covering his surprise with an unimpressed grunt.

Burgie looked between the two boys, one with the most horrified expression he’s ever witnessed, and the other with an expression that read “ _go on, say something asshole, your ass is grass_ ”.

“Alright then, see you there…” Burgie mumbled and shook his head, he _really_ didn’t want to know.

Eugene coughed awkwardly and stood up abruptly, not-so-subtly positioning his nervously twitching hand directly in front of his crotch to hide the minor hard-on he was popping from Snafu just whispering implications at him.

“See you there…” Sledge burst out, quickly exiting the room faster than Snafu has ever seen him move, even on the battlefield.

And things only got worse from there.

People seemed to have taken notice of the way Snafu would invade Eugene’s personal space more often than usual, or laid on the charm more thickly and in front of ears that really did _not_ want to hear Snafu Shelton hitting on the poor little redhead from Mobile, Alabama. One day Burgie approached Snafu while he was alone, using his KA-BAR to pick dirt and dried blood from underneath his fingernails.

“Hey Snafu, can we talk for a minute?” Burgie asked, being strangely over-polite, making Snafu suspicious.

Snafu grunted in return, not looking up from his big ass knife, getting a particularly hard bit of viscera from beneath his thumbnail.

Burgie bit his bottom lip awkwardly, using his left hand to nervously scratch at the back of his neck almost as if he was embarrassed.

“Well, a few boys and I noticed you and Sledge gettin’ real close as of late and I just wanted to warn you, the boy’s obviously more pure than the Virgin Mary herself and we just don’t want you to hurt the boy if you try anything rash or stupid.” Burgie explained this with delicacy, trying to convey his point but also not provoke the wrath of Snafu.

Snafu stilled his meticulous de-goring of his fingernails to stare up blankly at Burgie in the midst of his forewarning speech. He felt a certain bad taste rise in his mouth, and his anger doubled by the second.

“’N why the fuck are ya tellin’ me this, Burgie? Ya think I’m gonna seduce him with my Cajun charm ‘n shit then gut ‘em with my KA-BAR? The fuck, man? I can actually care for a person.” Snafu raised his voice, but his eyes remained blank and cold with malice. He knew he was fucked up, he got it, he’s fucking creepy and weird and the war’s messed him up, but he isn’t going to hurt Eugene—he’d never hurt him, he likes him and he wants to kiss him and smoke with him and fuck him senseless, and maybe if they were feeling scandalous he’d hold his hand.

Snafu’s mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts and emotions but there was only one thing that was clear and that was he needed to see Eugene, immediately.

In the distance there was a friendly shout and none other than Eugene stumbled into view and approaches them with a quirked eyebrow. Consciously reading the dark vibes being shot between Burgie and Snafu, Eugene, like the angel he was, pulled Snafu out of that situation with the excuse that he needed his help cleaning his rifle; which they all knew was bullshit and Snafu couldn’t help but snicker at the innuendo Eugene made, though he probably didn’t realize it himself.

They quietly departed from Burgie, Snafu making a point to bump shoulders with him when he passed by then walk exceedingly close to Sledge, so their hands would brush as they walked away. Yeah, it was childish, but Snafu honestly couldn’t give two shits.

The walk to their shared tent was silent until both boys sat down on Eugene’s cot, which was organized and clean compared to Snafu’s which was covered in cigarette ash and his blanket hung onto the floor haphazardly.

Eugene broke the silence after staring at Snafu’s clenched jaw and sour face that obviously gave away his pissed off attitude.

“I saw you and Burgie at each other’s throats over something, is everything alright?” Eugene questioned softly, gently placing his hand on Snafu’s thigh. Even through the cloth his skin burned with a consuming heat at the touch.

“Aw, it’s nothin’ Sledgehamma, he’s just all concerned ‘n shit about me hurtin’ you or somethin’”, Snafu mumbled, the whole situation was awkward and stupid and he didn’t like it, he especially didn’t like that Burgie’s words stung and made him wonder if he was right.

_What if I’m just tainting him? Ruining him more than the war already has and will? What if I’m reading this all wrong and he doesn’t like me like I like him and he thinks I’m a creepy queer and he brought me here to tell me to fuck off and leave him alone with all that gay shit? I don’t wanna be alone, I don’t—_

Snafu’s mind was racing one hundred miles per hour, all the bad thoughts and self-doubt and hatred breaking through the levees that usually held them at bay behind the cold and apathetic mask he always wore. The war really has him fucked but Eugene has him by the fucking gonads, _stupid, beautiful, overly-kind, asshole…_

Snafu hadn’t realized he was hyperventilating until Eugene had grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him with a mix of fear and concern clouding his eyes. Snafu didn’t like when he looked like that. He liked Eugene’s smiles and embarrassed blushes and snorting laughter when Snafu said something particularly oddball.

“Snaf—hey Snafu, Merriell!” Eugene called almost desperately. Snafu coming undone like this scared him more than anyone else he’s seen break, Snafu was supposed to be steel and snark with a fine veil of apathy.

Eugene began moving a hand softly across Snafu’s head, running his fingers through his hair soothingly. Snafu leaned into the touch, closing his eyes, his breathing remaining erratic and his whole body seeming to shake.

Eugene moved his hands down to Snafu’s face, slowly running his fingers over Snafu’s cheeks until he delicately placed a thumb on his bottom lip. Snafu opened his eyes, making direct eye contact with Eugene until his breathing dwindled back to normal.

 

“Now why would Burgie ever say somethin’ like that?” Eugene whispered with a slight tinge of irritation in his voice, he’d never seen Snafu so upset, and this wasn’t going to just slip under the rug.

Snafu shrugged dismissively, making it obvious he wasn’t going to give a straight answer without a little prying from Eugene.

Eugene put on the best pleading puppy-dog look he could muster and pouted cutely,” Snaf, I just want to help…”

Snafu let out a strangled breath, running a hand through his tangle of curls trying to straighten himself out. He never broke his cool, never, and isn’t it just peachy he had to slip up in front of the guy he’s been pining for since he saw his skinny white ass on Pavuvu. Just great.

“You know I won’t let you go until you tell me what’s got you so messed up.” Eugene chided lightly, attempting to lighten the mood and offering him a reassuring smile.

Snafu sighed heavily, the last of his resolve crumbling with the tight exhale of air that he let out. He pondered how the hell the situation escalated to this so quickly. They had a fucking war to worry about but other bullshit seemed to seep through the cracks of Snafu’s mental fortitude and break him down. Killing, watching a man’s life slip away by Snafu’s hands, that he could handle, that was just a game. But apparently he couldn’t handle his goddamn emotions around Eugene.

“Burgie thinks you’re all pure and shit and being around me is gonna make you catch the crazy or somethin’, thinks I’m gonna hurt you real bad, and maybe he’s right, you’re too good for me Sledge.” Snafu rattled on, eyes refusing to meet Eugene’s, worried he wouldn’t be able to handle himself if he looked into his soft gaze.

The flood gates were broken now and Snafu found himself continuing before Eugene had a chance to respond.

“I get it, I’m fucked up, that’s who I am now and maybe that’s how I’ve always been. I do stupid, crazy shit and I probably won’t live to see the end of this…” Snafu heard how weak his voice sounded, and he felt pitiful, broken and shitty.

Eugene shifted next to him, placing himself a little closer to Snafu, their thighs touching lightly and Snafu couldn’t help but revel in the touch.

“Mer, this war’s got us all a screwed up, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a good person, and nothin’ Burgie’s gotta say is gonna get in the way of our friendship.”

“Is that what this is, friendship?”

Snafu whispered before he could even think to shut his mouth, to let the subject drop and just let them stir in their awkward tension forever. _Shit_.

Eugene remained silent for a few moments before reaching over and firmly turning Snafu’s head so he had to look in his eyes. Snafu felt captured in the intensity of Eugene’s gaze, despite the boy’s softness and kind looks, his stares could cut right through you and make you feel stripped of identity, of all self, all you could feel was his gaze. It was intimidating.

“I don’t know Mer, is that what you want this to be?” Eugene whispered slowly, eyes fixating on Snafu’s lips.

Snafu compulsively licked his lips under his blatant staring, Eugene’s eyes tracking the small movement instinctively.  His mind was blank, he couldn’t process any of this, it seemed almost too good to be true and he was going to wake up any second to find himself in some foxhole and realize it was all some fever dream.

Eugene huffed dramatically and rolled his eyes with a chuckle at the dumb-struck boy in front of him, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

“Always gotta make this difficult, huh Snafu?” Eugene chuckled breathily before leaning forward and closing the distance between the two, catching Snafu’s lips with his in a small chaste kiss.

Eugene let his lips linger briefly over Snafu’s before pulling away slightly, letting out a small breath that tickled Snafu’s lips lightly. Eugene locked eyes with Snafu for a brief moment, Snafu’s eyes wide with shock. A few beats of silence passed of interlocked gazes before Snafu surged forward, grasping at Eugene’s face and bringing their lips together, the sweetness of their last kiss dissolving with the urgency and desperation that came with Snafu quickly licking at Eugene’s mouth and entrance being granted with a soft groan.

Snafu suddenly pulled back with a start, apprehension and fear clouding his features, dropping his hands from Eugene’s face.

“Wait…” Snafu panted heavily, trying to regain his composure after the heat of Eugene’s mouth.

“Are you sure you want this? I—I know you’re all pure ‘n shit and I don’t wanna force you into something you don’t wanna do. I know this is ungodly or whatever, ya know, queer stuff…” Snafu mumbled, drawling out the last few words slowly, feeling a prickling blush creep up his face. He’s never talked about this stuff out loud before.

“Merriell…” Sledge let out a quick breath, pulling his eyebrows together and chuckling softly.

“It’s not like I’m an innocent dame that’s never kissed nobody before.”

“But—with a guy…” Snafu grumbled, drawing in his arms and crossing them.

“I’ve kissed guys before, Snaf.” Eugene said delicately, placing his words carefully and keeping his voice as casual as he could muster.

Snafu looked up in surprise, all self-doubt and fear that stirred in him before drained completely as his mouth curls into a sly smirk.

“Never would have pegged you as a swinger, Sledgehamma.”

Eugene rolled his eyes dramatically and gave Snafu one of his brilliant million dollar smiles where his dimples show and the skin around his eyes crinkles and Snafu can just forget about all the shit for a second.

“I said I kissed guys before, meaning, like, three.”

Snafu nodded slowly, scratching his scruff absentmindedly before speaking up,” Who was the first boy that won your heart then, Sledge, who was dumb enough to give your pasty ass a kiss?”

Eugene looked away awkwardly for a second before saying quietly,” Sid.”

Snafu felt his smile stretch from ear to ear,” You mean your fuckin’ look-alike identical twin you basically followed like a lost puppy you’re first few days?”

Eugene blushed furiously, shoving Snafu lightly on the shoulder,” Yes, yes, it was him,” Eugene snapped quickly before lowering his tone when he mumbled,” It was a long time ago though, it didn’t really mean nothin’, just teenagers experimenting and all that.”

Snafu nodded silently, stirring in the information that Eugene and his best friend had shared a moment that probably meant a lot more to Eugene than it did to Sid.

“And your second?”

“Ah hell, I can’t remember his name. I was at a graduation party and there was alcohol and I didn’t plan on drinking but someone convinced me, and next thing I know I’m swapping spit in a coat closet with some guy I vaguely knew in my Trig class.” Eugene laughed, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Damn Sledgehamma, how _scandalous_ , what would your mama think?” Snafu teased lightly, all the awkward tension that filled the room only minutes before practically gone.

“I don’t care what my mama thinks, she always said I was different, and hell if im gonna prove her wrong. It ain’t her business what my relationship with men is.” Eugene said with a sudden harshness in his voice, Snafu realizing he must have touched a sore subject with Eugene, but that would have to be a conversation for later.

“Can we _please_ not talk about my mama when we’re about to make out?” Eugene laughed, dropping the touchy subject all together to get back on track.

“Alright, alright. But before that, who was your third then? Was he prettier than me?” Snafu grinned wolfishly, reaching out and placing a hand on Eugene’s chest, rubbing circles over the rough cloth onto the skin beneath it.

Eugene shrugged his shoulders casually,” Oh I dunno, he’s pretty handsome, always covered in dirt and his eyes are real big and he does crazy shit all the time… But he’s alright, best I’ve had yet.” Eugene states cheekily, earning a tut from Snafu as he leans forward and softly kisses his lips.

Snafu felt his heart ache at the softness of Eugene’s lips against his and how everything just made sense when they touched. Snafu tried so hard to win this boy over with his elaborate and extraordinarily strange ways. Snafu had never been treated with such kindness or understanding before. He’d never been touched so softly by another human being and in the middle of the horror and the shit that was the Pacific Theater, it felt like God himself might have blessed Snafu with his own personal angel, and that angel was a pale, skinny, red-head from Alabama.

Suddenly overwhelmed by emotions that made his head feel like it was full of fluff or like he was slightly intoxicated, Snafu broke apart their lips so he could shower Eugene’s face and neck with soft kisses, causing Eugene to giggle and squirm sporadically.

Snafu ceased his onslaught of ticklish kisses in favor of just staring silently up at Eugene, appreciating all the little things about Eugene he loves, from the light dusting of freckles on his nose to his chewed up lips from his anxious biting habit. He wanted it all, he wanted all of Eugene, Burgie be damned. He didn’t know jack shit about them.

Eugene had crawled on top of Snafu and they were aggressively making out when there was a dull thud heard from across not too far away. Both boy’s quickly turned to locate the source of the noise to find Burgie, staring in the tent with the door open, his canteen laying on the floor by his feet.

Burgie rolled his eyes with the over-dramatics of a haughty teenager when the boys stared at him shocked, caught red handed in the act.

“Now don’t look all shocked ‘n shit, Christ, ya look like you’ve been frozen stiff…” Burgie coughed awkwardly, still staring down at the entangled and disheveled boys.

“Oh, fuck off Burgie!” Eugene spat staring back unabashedly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever ya two love birds just remember to wear a condom.” Burgie sighed, picking up his canteen and throwing it onto his respective cot before turning to leave. Right before he walked out he looked over his shoulder and quietly sighed,” If you two ever start doing shit while I’m tryin’ to sleep you’re both sleeping outside.” He then quickly shut the door and high tailed it back to his wherever he was before, anywhere he didn’t have to see his two friends going at it like teenagers was fine to him.

Snafu looked up at Eugene, still fuming over Burgie, mumbling and grumbling obscenities and huffing indigently. A smile broke out across Snafu’s face, soon causing a laugh to burst out of his chest in loud snorts.

“What, Snaf?” Eugene stared at him confused, wondering what caused the sudden outburst.

“Nothin’, Sledgehamma, I just really like you, you’re a real strange fella.” Snafu grinned, gracing Eugene’s cheek with a small peck.

Eugene smiled back beautifully,” I like you too, idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @ smoopey.tumblr.com for more of my absolute bullshit


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